The events of the last five months (has it really been that long?) have shaken me to the core. Most of the time, I feel like I'm just wandering through reality, trying to find my place amidst this darkness and fleeting beauty. But there are times when I feel like I really must be a complete nut job; nestled here looking in on a bubble, caught between my conservative upbringing and my craving for raw truth and beauty, amidst all its pain and harshness. My heart telling me to and leading me to abandon one, and those around me telling me to abandon the other.

Some really do think I'm a little unbalanced or misled, due to the decisions I've made and the fact that I foster no regret. There are others that I feel are on the same journey and trying to navigate the same reality that I am. The people that understand my actions and motivations for said actions, without my having to explain and without a sad shake of the head, as if I've abandoned all truth and faith.

I spoke with one such person not too long ago, and he said something similar to this: It's not that I'm trying to push the evelope, and see how far I can go. It's that I push myself, and that I'm not afraid to push myself until I break. It's that I ask questions, instead of simply accepting what I was brought up with, putting everything in a neat little box and tying it prettily with an answer. It's that I believe there can be beauty in pain and brokeness, because it is so honest. It's that I'm not afraid to live and take chances; to navigate my own reality, despite the pain involved in forging my own path.



Yes. I think that's it.