I just watched A Love Song for Bobby Long with my sister. It was a good movie. I enjoyed it, even though there were moments where John Travolta got on my nerves and Scarlett Johanson made me completely envious of her beauty. The ending got me thinking, though. The majority of the film was an up and down roller coaster of odd and sometimes awkward and fucked up relationships, of varying types. But then you had the end. In the end, things worked out. Everyone picked up the pieces and ended up happy. Once we shut off the TV, I realized it had rubbed me a little wrong, and I got to thinking about why. Decided that it was the ending. It was too perfect. Things don't happen like that in real life, because life is messy.

And it struck me. That's it. Life is messy. And sometimes it's a really shitty mess. But what counts is what we make out of that mess. The stories that we write with it. The things that we learn. Whether or not we chose to make the best of things and write our own un-perfect messy ending, that for us, might in fact turn out to be that perfect ending, even though it's nothing like what we might have imagined at the beginning of our journey.

I just wokeup. I feel rested. And I had the most amazing dream ever.

Today is going to be good.

I've been thinking about the different types of people in this world lately. It seems like most slip into two categories. You have those of us that somehow always seem to seek out the good in people. Those of us that want to hope, hard as it might be. Those of us that embrace truth, beauty and faith despite the shit and occasional questioning of the meaning of it all; despite the pain. We seek out love and embrace the quiet, beautiful moments of peace after the storm, few though they may be.

Then there are those people that seem to be almost pure evil. The people that we embraced and befriended; welcomed into our lives, unkowingly. Or maybe small parts of us knew, but we wanted to see the good in them. Suddenly we find our offers of friendship and love tossed in our faces. We discover the lies. We finally see them for who they are; but it's too late. We have already loved, already offered that friendship. They in turn have violated us, on multiple levels. The lucky ones escape with only emotional violation. But not everyone is that lucky. These are the people that are truly evil; we can hear them in the backs of our minds, laughing as we struggle to pick up the pieces. They haunt us.

Somewhere, there must be an inbetween. Perhaps the inbetweens are the people that are plagued with complacency, and find themselves leading lives in which they find no real peace or contentment, but only restlessnes and the memories of dreams that never came true and chances that were never taken. The people that are plagued with regret and unable to find and savor those fleeting moments of beauty. God, please let that never be me.

But then again, maybe there is a little of all of this in everyone. I guess it really is just a matter of choice. Of deciding which person you want to be, and which kind of life you want to lead. As far as I am concerned, I would hope that I tend towards the first person. This is the only life I have to live; I want to savor the peaceful moments, the beauty, and I don't ever want to be afraid of taking chances, simply because it might not work out picture-perfect in the end. I'd regret not taking the chance more than I ever would the un-perfect ending. Besides. I've always found more beauty in the rubble and mess of life.

FUCK. I just lost my job. I saw it coming. But I didn't think it would happen this soon.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

London/Greenbelt

I'm making a trip to London for Greenbelt. I have a few days to spend in London before I actually head out to the festival grounds that Thursday or Friday. So here's the deal. If anyone happens to know of anyone or have room for me themselves, I'm looking for a floor to crash on August 23rd-25th and maybe August 29th (I promise, I don't take up much room! And I won't have more with me than what will fit in a backpack).

Some floor space on any of those nights would be VERY much appreciated. Just e-mail me at mims.katie at gmail dot com (also feel free to cross post this on your blog too, just let me know if you do decide to do that).